Hmm - perhaps not!

Yesterday I went to an exhibition in London. A colleague and I met on the station and decided to start the day in the expo food hall with a cup of coffee and a catch up on a team meeting the previous day. I asked, as I always do, whether they had decaff.

Brief interruption: When we were in the US we found that there was decaff available everywhere. And not just a sort of backup instant coffee deal. Proper coffee. Most civilised. The first time I asked at a small kiosk if they had decaff, the guy looked at me weirdly and said, "Of course!" Contrast that with the UK where they have decaff in some places, usually in the form of little sachets of instant. Bleagh! Even more extreme, in Sweden in 2001, the waitress at the coffee shop looked dazed and repeated slowly, "Caffeine-free coffee? Caffeine-free coffee?" She didn't quite say "Does not compute" out loud, but her face did!

Anyway, back to the story. The man proudly informed me that they did, indeed, cater to new age weirdos like me, and produced the inevitable sachet. Now read this next bit slowly. Preferably out loud.

He opened it with his teeth. WITH HIS TEETH, ladies and gentlemen!

I was still reeling from this, when the waitress started restocking the milk containers from a supply of the plastic bottles that are used in the UK. These have a plastic strip attached to the cap that runs around the neck of the bottle to prevent tampering and prove that the bottle has been unopened. The girl was tearing these off - you guessed it - with her teeth.

When it came to lunch time, I joined forces with another colleague and went to a nearby restaurant. I didn't want to take a chance that the staff in the food hall might have rolled the wraps with their tongues, or packaged the sandwiches with their feet!